Miss Advice Would Never Misadvise You
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: Cat is Miss Advice except she gives TERRIBLE advice
1. Andre's Letter

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious

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><p>Dear Misadvice,<p>

I am dating a girl I love. She's bright and sweet and smart and everything I could dream of in a woman. The problem is she's white. I'm black. My parents don't approve. They want me to break up with her. I refuse to do so but they're really on my case trying to break us apart. What can I do

If I'm a fool then I'm too much in love to care

_Dear Too Much In Love To Care_

_Oh yay! This is just like Romeo and Juliet but don't drink poison. That's yucky. Talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. If they love you and they do they'll understand. If not just have a temper tantrum till they give in._

_Remember_

_Miss Advice would never misadvise you _


	2. Beck's Letter

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious

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><p>Dear Miss Advice,<p>

My girlfriend does not listen to me especially when it comes to my best friend. She is downright mean to her. I have tried yelling at her. I've tried nagging her to be nice. I've held out on her until she was nice. I timed her out once for being mean. I tried getting mad at her once. I'm at a loss for what to do and need your help.

Desperate in Hollywood

Dear Desperate in Hollywood,

Okay try this. Tell her you're going to give her $10.00 every time she's mean to your friend. After a few days cut the price in half. She'll stop being mean to her as much because she's not as highly rewarded so it's not worth it. After a week cut the price down to zero. Once it's not rewarded anymore she won't want to be mean anymore. Good luck and remember

Miss Advice would never Misadvise you


	3. Cat's Letter

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious

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><p>Dear me,<p>

I'm just writing a letter to myself to let me know that I'm awesome. I give such great answers to such complicated questions. I'm a great friend. I'm a great sister to my brother. I'm a great person who's been through a lot and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm better now then I was yesterday and I will be better tomorrow. So me this is just a letter saying thanks for being awesome

Miss Advice would never misadvise you

Dear Miss Advice would never misadvise you,

Oh yay! I love to get letters especially from fans. I just gave you a big pat on the back so yay. Listen I know you've been through a hard time before but I'm back and doing better then ever so yay! Anyway I have to go but first let me say that I love you. You're awesome. Hold your head up high and remember one thing

Miss Advice would never misadvise you


	4. Daniel's Letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I just found out that my girlfriend's best friend hurt her. He **really **hurt her. I am so angry with him I want to punch his lights out put them back on and punch it again. I want to make him feel what she felt only **much worse**. What can I do? I don't want him to take it out on her but he can't get away with thinking hurting my girlfriend is acceptable. It's not

Rightfully pissed

_Dear Rightfully Pissed,_

_You have the right to remain pissed but you might get flushed down the toilet if you do. Hee,hee I made a funny. Comfort your girlfriend. Let her know you love her. Then tell her boyfriend to **** off. Tell him if he ever hurts her again he will no longer have the right to remain **alive. Does he feel lucky; well does he PUNK**_

**_Miss Advice would never misadvise you_**


	5. Hayley's Letter

Dear Miss Advice

I'm pretty. I'm smart. I'm talented. I have a lot of friends. I have a father who worships the ground I walk on. Here's the problem... I'm too good. What do I do?

Whoa is me

Dear Whoa

Here is the real problem. You're full of yourself. You think you're better then everyone else well guess what sister. You aren't. You need to go and cut yourself a big slice of humble pie and wash it down with some serious regret for your previous behavior. If you think you're too good pick up a bible and see what **it **has to say about that. Pride cometh before a fall

Miss Advice would never Misadvise you


	6. Jade's Letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I love my best friend dearly. She is fun. She is loving. She's great to hang out with but now she is driving me crazy. She gets an idea in her head and won't let go of it. I must have told her no nicely a million times. How do I get it through her thick skull that I'm not interested in doing what she wants me to do

No it's nothing sexual and neither of us are gay

Dear Neither of us are Gay,

Say yes. She'll get off your back about it and odds are it won't be an issue. If it is an issue it will work out very well. Come on Please! Pretty please with a Willow sandwich on top? She's perfect and you know it. Talk to you later and keep in mind

Miss Advice will never Misadvise you


	7. Lane's Letter

Dear Miss Advice

My wife is pregnant for the sixth time. We already have 4 girls and 1 son. I honestly am having a very hard time getting excited about this baby. Maybe it's because we already have five children. What if I can't bond with this baby? What if my youngest one has a problem bonding with this baby? HELP!

Wanting to love my baby

Dear Wanting

Oh my GOD a baby! That is super-dooper exciting. I love babies. I love to hold them and rock them and cuddle them and- oh if you ever need a babysitter I could soo help out. You'll be able to love this baby. Babies are cute. Remember this and you'll be okay.

Miss Advice would never misadvise you


	8. Rex's Letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I am afraid of the dark. My best friend keeps putting me in a stupid bag. It's his backpack. I have told him time and again not to do that. I'm a puppet by the way. What do I have to do to get through to him? I'm about ready to put my wooden fist through his head.

Ticked as a clock

Dear Ticked as a clock,

Instead of putting your wooden fist through his head try ripping up one piece of his papers... maybe a math assignment or a Spanish homework since those are really hard subjects. Trust me. After that he will **never **want you in that backpack again. By the way if you're a puppet how are you writing anyway. Woodn't that be hard to do? Hee-hee I made another funny. Remember this forever.

Miss Advice would never misadvise you


	9. Robbie's Letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I have a major crush on this girl but I'm scared to ask her out. Every time I see her my knees go weak. I can't think when I'm around her. A few days ago I almost did ask her out. But instead of asking her out I threw up on her shoes. I have cutouts of her and everything. What do I do.

Cat-inloveer

Dear Robbie,

Aw. You really have a crush on me? Here's some advice. I like you too. I love you too. I would be proud to be your girlfriend. Meow

Miss Advice would never misadvise you


	10. Russ's Letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I did a wrong to one of my friends. He was really hurt by my actions. I want to make amends for what I did. I don't know how to do that though. Yeah I don't want to be in the wrong place but that's not my motivation for making it right. How do I apologize to my friend? Would it be wrong to want to be in the right place?

Doesn't know what to do

Dear Doesn't know,

Yay for friendship. Yay for you wanting to make things right again. Yay for doing the right thing. Of course it's not wrong to want to be in the right place. As for apologizing there are two words. I'm sorry. He'll accept it

Miss Advise would never misadvise you


	11. Sikowitz's letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I am a teacher at Hollywood Arts and I have a bit of a dilemma. I put a student in detention for today because she didn't do her homework but she has a friend coming to visit today who she hasn't seen in a long time. I don't know if I should let her off the hook since she hasn't seen her friend in a long time or not. She's a good student and a good kid and she never forgot her homework before but wouldn't I be playing favorites if I let her off the hook? What do you think? Please tell me what you would do if you were me. I just don't know

Caught between a rock and a hard place

Dear Rock and a Hard Place,

I know what it's like to have a friend move away. It's so sad. Last week my friend came back to see me and we went to the carnival. They even sold red velvet cupcakes. That was so much fun. You should taste red velvet cupcakes. They're yummy

Miss Advice would never misadvise you


	12. Sinjin's Letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I'm in love. I'm in love with this girl who is dating a guy who is my friend. She knows I'm in love with her. He knows I'm in love with her. I just wish she would go on one date with me. I would do anything to get a date with this girl. What can I do?

Out of options

Dear out of options,

I am NOT going to advise you on how to break up a relationship. You need to move on. She has a boyfriend. She's not interested. Speaking of interested I think the word interested is interesting. It's more emo then interested. Remember this well

Miss advice would never misadvise you.


	13. Tara's Letter

Dear Miss Advice,

Who do you think you are? My friend wrote a letter to you with real concern about the fact that she was too good and you responded by telling her off one side and on the other? So you think you're perfect or something? You're a loser. You've always been a loser and you always will be a loser LOSER. Next time take the time to actually care about the people who come to you for advice. ****

I hate you

Dear "I hate you",

Well that's not very nice. Your friend was acting as if she had a serious problem. That is not a problem. Your friend needs a wake up call and frankly she needs a reality check. You know what... you could use a reality check yourself. I told her off because I care about her. You should do the same

Miss Advice would never misadvise you


	14. Tori's letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I love my older sister but she is annoying. She lies and manipulates to get what she wants. One time when I got mad at her she whined and pouted all day like a pathetic puppy. How do I explain to her that the world does not revolve around her?

Annoyed as all ham and cheese

Dear annoyed,

Show her a globe and ask her if she sees her picture in it?

Miss Advice would never misadvise you


	15. Trina's Letter

Dear Miss Advice,

I live in the shadow of my talented younger sister. I pretend to be stuck up and conceited because I don't know how else to survive. I get people to do things for me cause I can't do them myself. When I have to it's like spitting in the wind. What do I do? I'm tired of living like this. It's not living at all. Help

Freaking the freak out

Dear Freaking the freak out,

Don't freak the freak out. Instead be calm. Calm makes you happy. Happy makes you smile. Smiling makes you glad. Glad makes you not be sad. Yay for happy.

Miss Advice would never misadvise you


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